i'm alright

i'm alright

this makes sense to the right individual

disclaimer: to all others, i wasn't not alright, don't you worry

you know that you're not the crazy one when...

after recieving a slew of insulting emails with the final one stating "i'm not over you" and begging for a meeting: friends offer you the services of lawyer fathers, others refuse to let you sleep at home for fear of him doing something "not good"... all are a little bit of an overreaction in my belief, but it's a nice feeling to know that people give a shit about me.

phew... and I was worried that i would be viewed as having handled the break-up poorly because i moped for a few weeks and was sorta angry over someone i determined to be not worth my time.

can i just have no drama. please!

cynicism

my NEW FAVE COMIC

I went out and saw... it made me feel...

I went out on Saturday night with Mssr. E to meet L and R at the Bistro for a drink. There was a party there, but without my glasses I couldn't quite make them out. As the party was dissipating I had a nudge on my shoulder. It was Adam, Aaron's old roommate, he was there for a wedding shower.

I liked Adam, he seemed good before. We never really got to know each other because Aaron had some odd "nobody likes me" issue going on, and with all my ... insecurities... I didn't push it.

It made me wonder about Aaron. He wasn't there, of course. That's probably for the best. But it made me think what he was up to. I don't wish people to not be enjoying themselves, but I just couldn't bring myself to think of "hopefully he's having fun too." I actually wished for him, now that I had been reminded into thinking of him, to be miserable.

I feel like such a horrible person. But he made me feel worse...

why are journalists arrested for doing their job at the RNC?

oh, yeah

Sarah Palin for GOP VP....

Seriously McCain, that's insulting.

more on that later

update on my side

It's been good. I like being an adult, to a point.

D's plane got in just fine at 2PM on Thurs, I got him at the airport (found him before he saw me) and we headed home, did the food thing, and started to chill.  A calls and says "L (her sis) and I are going to the farm NOW" so D and I jump in the car and go meet them there. It's only when we're finished the 1/2 hour trip do I realize that I totally forgot to call Mr. J, who I had mentioned this potential trip to the previous day.  We get there, swim, dive, kayak, tree-yak (no, not really) I see my first persimmon, we ponder as to the identity of some other tree, and have some general fun.  D and I then head home after poking in to see Dancer, A's horse, and chill/catch up.  At somepoint in there, I noticed that Nece's eyes were too goopy/squinty for my comfort so I called the vet and made an appointment for 930AM on Fri.

Friday I go to the vet.  The cat has Chlamydia... again.  So we're on a round of eye drops. yay.  Then I go to work, Dave comes with me to look around.  I finish up what I need to do for our people on Tuesday, and we head out, run some errands, and head back to my place.  We hang out for a little bit, I get a few things going for the Pirate/Zombie dinner party on Sat, and I do some reading for class (yaaay... blah).

I am now becoming fully indoctrinated in economical/ecological social stances.  The current book is continually repeating "capitalism is bad because it can only happen if you don't restrict growth" "unrestricted growth is ecologically unsound." yes, I get it. let's get deeper. MORE RHETORIC! I want to be more Pretentious.  MORE EXAMPLES! I want to see how *I* can utilize these paradigms in my own stuff.  Shift it, shift it good.  The class should be good, alot of structuralism/marxism.... plenty of my buddy foucault too.

So I drag D to the brewery, where he gets to have some of the world's best stout. Mr. J joins us and we have a fun, somewhat nerdy conversation. D is a chemist, J is all about alternitive/bio fuels, and lets just say that my field requires me to understand way too much schtuff. Woohoo!  Then, we wander over to the Pub for some beer and CUTTHROAT SHAMROCK!

We hang there for a bit before others who we know join.  So there's Mssr. E (from past adventures), his new roommate Mssr. D, my girl H, her boy G, my D from NY, and Mr. J (alphabet stew!).  At which point Ben from the band sits down at our table and joins in our conversation.  That was most awesome.  I think it was even better because D came all the way from NY to see them (in a ways), and Mr. J has only seen them once before, and I told him that the show at the Grotto was nothing like what most shows are.  So we're all talking, I noticed that Mr. J got numbers from Ben, I'm assuming for his Gf as she's also a band person (haven't heard them play yet, they come in town some point in October).  Twas most nifty.

The opener band rocked.  I was very very please.  And the CtSr show was amAZing!  One girl at the show pulled me aside and asked if I was the one "doing the research on that hammer" as she recognized me from my newspaper article.  I affirmed that "ahem, yes, that is me".  I was surprised she recognized me as in that photo I hadn't brushed my hair, was hiking backwoods / off trail for a while to get to the site, and was wearing a bulky wool sweater and Carhartt's.  But whatever.  No-name-boy (or "many-name-boy") also recognized me before I recognized him.  He ran off soon, though, on what H reported as a red Harley.  He said he was going to come up and hang out, but I think that I was familiarly slipping between 3 dudes (Mssr E, D from NY, and Mr. J) and that our previous interactions over almost the whole last 10 months has consisted of bar-room conversation over mediocre beer with thinly veiled flirtations, it wasn't the most welcoming environment. Shrug. It was an ego-boost.

Cutthroat ended only after many beers were accidentally and purposely released into the atmosphere, and I decided that with the beer and the hour D needed to have his first southern experiance of Krystals. So with Mr. J in the cramped back seat of my car and DfromNY in the cramped-pulled-forward passenger seat we went and initiated D on the finer points of ittybittyburgers.

Then, everyone safely at home, I had a reprise from the St.Pat2007 CtSrShow. I looked at my feet and they were DISGUSTING. So while I didn't have the energy for a shower, I stood in my tub and washed my feet. yuck.

Next day, feeling slightly not up for it, I started working on the dinner party.
It went marvelous. The Curried Goat was not too spicy, the hot sauces were flavorful, the riceandbeans in coconutmilk were divine. The spiked fruit salad was overly intoxicating (yay) and yeah. Success. We all chatted and played apples to apples, the cats weren't overpowering (allergies in some people) and it wasn't just D and i in costume. It ended a little earlier than some parties, but that was all good, as I was exhausted. R stayed a little later (I think I bugged him or something to do so, I don't know) and I ended up starting to fall asleep in my camp chair while he and D were talking about something.... important? I don't know.

Sunday, clean up was a bitch, and know i should be reading, but D is napping and we have a Boomsday party in a bit and I'm bored. My cats are also sleeping. They look dead.

Best to all!

kids

Today was my first school group of the year. 100+ kindergarteners. With a craft. But I had them all at once, I only had them about 17 at a time, but that meant that I needed to give the same program 6 times. This program is part of a special school program where we don't use our typical programs. Instead we design curriculum to augment what they're learning in school. So the kindergarteners are supposed to be learning about families and the 5 senses. We set up a program looking at how kids and adults interacted and what kids do. By the end third program I gave I managed to refine my intro to talk about how we are part of our families, how everyone has their own families, and how families are all different. In the process of that, I had some "doozies".

See, the kids with the school are from the East Side, the not great part of town. When we were bringing up families, most of the 5 year olds in their first week of class are, well, simple five year olds. They aren't the best when it comes to censoring themselves.

So one says:

My family is my Daddy and my Mommy and my other Mommy and my Sister and me

Another says:

I used to have a daddy, but he got angry so the police officer took him away and now my mommy says that he won't be around any more and now it's just my mommy and me and she takes care of me.

And still another:

I lived with my grandmother but she died.

I love these kids, but sometimes it's sad, that they say these so matter of factly.

I think that it's working with these kids that makes me realize that although I get annoyed at my life, I still have been able to take care of myself well enough.

Hugs to them all.

beauty

I've been cleaning up my bookmarks among other computer components. I came across a couple of sites I squirreled away that I think are marvelous.

1. Chaiya Chaiya

This is a bollywood music video. The subtitled one is here
It's lyrics are gorgeous, an absolutely poetic love song sung on an epic set. I've loved it for years! Truly drawing from so many sources to explain such complicated concepts.
The lyrics are also below the embedded video.

Chorus:
jinke sar ho ishq kii chha.nh	He whose head is in the shadow of love
pao.n ke niiche jannat hogi	will have heaven beneath his feet.
jinke sar ho ishq ki chha.nh	Whose head is in the shadow of love...
chal chhaiyya	Walk in the shadow.
pao.n jannat chale chal chhaiyyan	Walk in heaven, walk in the shadow.
vo yaar hai jo khushbuu kii tarah	There's a friend who is like a sweet fragrance,
jiskii zabaan Urdu kii tarah	whose words are like poetry (lit. Urdu, the language of poetry),
merii shaam raat merii qainaat	who is my evening, my night, my existence.
vo yaar mera saiyya saiyya	That friend is my beloved!
Chorus
gulposh kabhii itarae kahii.n	Sometimes (my beloved) flirts like a flower,
mahake to nazar aa jaa'e kahii.n	so fragrantly that you may see her scent.
taawiiz banake pahanuu.n use	Having made it into an charm, I will wear it.
aayat kii tarah mil jaaye kahin	She shall be obtained as a miracle is obtained.
mera nagama vahii.n mera qalama vahii.n	She is my song, my declaration of faith (kalama: the Muslim confession of faith, as in, "la ilaaha il allaah" - "there is no God but Allah").
(vo yaar hai jo imaam ki tarah)	(My friend is like a priest to me.)
mera nagama nagama mera qalama qalama	My song... my declaration of faith...
yaar misale.n os chale	She moves like the dew.
paon ke tale phirdaus chale	She walks with the garden of heaven beneath her feet,
kabhii Daal Daal kabhii paat paat	sometimes through the branches, sometimes amidst the leaves.
mai.n hawa pe DHuu.nDHuu.n us ke nishaan	I shall search the wind for her trail!
Chorus
mai.n uske ruup ka sedaaii	I trade in her beauty.
vo dhuup chhaa.nho.n sa harjaaii	Fickle, she flits shamelessly from sun to shade.
vo shokh ra.ng badalta hai	She changes her bright colors;
mai.n ra.ng ruup ka saudaaii	I negotiate that as well.
Chorus

2. Beautiful Places Where Nothing Hurts
link
This is a gorgeous hypertext exploration of multiple settings where the site's creators have ventures. The title is taken from a Vonnegut quote for an epitaph "Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt."

internet at my house

for some reason i thought i would be entertained for longer.

and i'm hungry.