home sweet homes

So Morgan and I have been spending a whole bunch of time together. Like... all of it. We really started when I had no heat/hot water and then as soon as that fixed he blew his transmission, so first I camped out at his place and then he "tagged along" with me. His house is in the fort and he spends much less time on campus than I do, so he walks back and forth. I tend to meet him at his place afterwork and then we just do whatever we need, which for students is alot of reading and computer dinking. And well, reading and dinking are rather more pleasurable when snuggled with another reading dinker.

I find it odd though, as he keeps wanting to be with me. I keep waiting for him to suddenly tire of me and want "alone time." We'll see.

Oh, and he hums. He paces and fidgets when he can be mobile or his hands are free, it used to drive me crazy but now I've just gotten used to it. But when he needs to sit and read, he hums. It's not all bad, rarely is it an earworm (rarely). Normally it's some classical choral piece, as he did fancy classical chorus in high school, so it's like I have a tenor section all to myself.

Except I've always studied in silence.

We learn and adjust.

techno entertainment luddite adventure journey go!

while i'm not necessarily on the cutting edge of technology, i've normally been in the upper quartile at the least of knowing what stuff meant.  that is, of course, except for entertainment stuff.

so the other day morgan and i went out west in an attempt to see batman at the dollar theater (which now charges 4$ but gives you complimentary soda and popcorn).  we got there and found out that the newspaper messed up the listings.  i really didn't want to pay $10 for a ticket to a movie i had already seen and i was hungry.  this whole snafu made me sad and somewhat grumpy, as i had worked it out in my head and it was a marvelous plan to get morgan out of a funk caused by an annoying stats test.  we were driving home down kingston when morgan pointed out a decadent billboard and said "wow, that looks good." intent on doing something to get out of this mutual grump, i decided that desert would be a marvelous idea so we turn around.  in the process we end up in a store parking lot.  interested, we go in thinking that we would just check out if anything was interesting.

well, there was.  the sales person was so helpful! at the same time she upsold me twice! but you know what, i really like what i ended up with.  the first model was small, compact, with only one feature.  The second was larger with a variable setting.  The third and final had more than one function and three sets of conrols for a total of 5 buttons.  morgan and i messed with it while in the store and while at first this seemed rather intimidating, it didn't seem like something i couldn't handle.  so i had her bag it up and she got my name and all that good stuff and we took it home.

i feel like such a dork not knowing everything about all these tech toys.  i mean, i refuse to even think about ipods because they're apple, and the other mp3s... i have one, don't need more info. comp stats are lost on me. video games? fsck, i got me an NES and PS2. that's all anyone needs. right? right.

so looking at the walls and racks of technojoy totally freaked me out.  congrats saleswoman, you made me happy!

Weekend

Enjoyed the weekend.

friday night was first friday, it was my first first friday also, and lee and rusty and claire had exhibits opening. the plan was to dress up meet up at lee and rusty's gallery (@ cumberland and gay), do the "ooh, awesome!" thing then grab food @ 7 @ the bistro and make our way down to w summit hill for claire's stuff and then hit sassy ann's for a little cutthroat action.

so i dressed up, green low cut sweater hoodie, brown tank, short denim skirt, and brown boots. i had just had my hair done, and i even put on makeup. i felt so much like an undergrad getting ready for a night out. my normal "lets go out" clothes consist of a pair of ripped jeans and a tank top. ah well. it wont kill me to get dressed up now and again.

but the others were running a little behind. lee and rusty weren't even there when we had to leave for our dinner reservations.  so we ate, shared a bottle of wine, and went back.  at lee and rusty's there was a water cooler full of wine. a WINE COOLER if you will. so much wining was had, and there were multiple people who i hadn't seen in a while so there was a bunch of catching up going on there when it was like OK! MUST GO FIND CLAIRE!

morgan was driving (thankfully) so he toted my and shannonette's arse up to w summit hill in which progress i call claire up twice, the first time thinking i had a bad connection. the second time realizing it was just REALLY LOUD where she was. she was at the crown and goose, apparently her thing was over for the night (BOO!) I felt like such a pathetic friend missing her thing, especially since when i showed up at the crown and goose to talk for a few moments i was obviously feeling the wine.

when i first got to the c&g i saw nate and adam, so i talked to them for a bit. morgan and shannonette joined me in there, so they both said hi. it was morgan's first meeting of this cookeville group, but shannonette had met them previously. i guess bringing morgan may have been somewhat transparent (bringing the current boy when meeting up w the ex-boy's bro) but at the same time i wanted to find claire.

finally found her! after running into one of our prof's, that is. i was so intent on finding claire, though, that i just gave him a half wave while trying to figure out what she was saying. i'm doing great with my personal interactions. found claire, talked for a while, left, ran back by nate and adam, and asked about a wedding this coming weekend.  then asked about the ex's plans for this coming weekend (which is also brewers jam, and yes, is where i met him last year, and i hoped wouldn't be a big deal, but with some of the emails that he had been sending me and the fact that he kept checking my blog and myspace somewhat consistently until about 2 weeks ago, i'm honestly a bit worried about what might happen if we both meet face to face utterly beer-plastered) i find that not only does he not have plans to attend brewers jam, he also does have plans for something else. so no worries there.  i just don't want drama. i'm tired of stupid boys.

any way, after that, off to sassy ann's, where i change into my jeans and chacos. it was easy as i was already wearing a skirt. yay me.

cutthroat was cutthroat. yay. i was beat, though, i had been on the move since 7AM. had done the oil change thing, the hair cut/color thing, and then the social thing, so we cut out at about 1AM.  and went home. and passed out.

zonk.

good times.

the following day the morning was spent reading, and taking a shower, and getting things together, as that afternoon there was another dnd game (yay?). i think i'm enjoying it. I'm just trying to decide if i really like spending 5 hours i could devote to school stuff with this limited tangable reward system.  after the game we hit the mall and i had to physically restrain morgan from purchasing for me an item from williams sonoma. i know, what was i thinking. dinner was lovely mashed taters and tomatos with mozzerella with olive oil and balsamic viniger. because that was what i wanted. and the trend seems to be with him that i get what i want. i can't abuse this, but with wierd food cravings while cramping, it's totally legit.

sunday was good brunch at sunspot, grocery shopping, and more reading (read that as "napping), and monday was monday.

tonight i have options. morgan might still be in town, or he might not. if he isn't i may go watch the debate with jim (where? does he have a tv?) and play www.palinbingo.com with the prez candidates. or a may go see dennis at his open mike at the pres pub. or i may stay in and read this book about fair trade coffee if i don't get it done by then.

blargh.

proudness

so i did it. finally. i made my very own myspace picture. i don't like pix of me, so i go ahead and rip off other sites. my latest picture stated that my marxist feminist dialectic would bring all the boys to my yard. the newest newest one is to the left. thank online translators for the translation. hopefully i have it right!

maybe not all, but i do have one at the moment. i don't know if it was the MFD that did it or simply the fact that i could actually speak intelligently after multiple beers on random uber-esoteric,paradigmatic-shifting, rhetoric challenging, possibly-important topics.

woot.

i also, this afternoon erased all email correspondance with people i don't like. err.... a person i no longer like. i didn't realize quite what had piled up, but when i saw something with his name on it, i dug a bit and realized "damn, don't need this mucking up the inbozzle". Hitting the "trash" choice surely isn't as cathartic as burning things, but who needs catarsis when you've moved on.

and no, me stating that i've moved on is not denial that i haven't.

speaking of moving on, back to the MFD/Beer incident... YAY!

that's all. if you haven't met him, you obviously haven't seen me in the last 2 weeks, as we seem to do many things together. i'm home alone now for the first time in a while. i should be doing laundry....

hit the disc exchange today. picked up tickets for brewers jam. not missing it for anything. there's a crew of boucoup zwanzig joining me: eric, morgan, shannon, shannon, kimberly, heather, paula, jim, and more. yay.

also grabbed a PJ Harvey CD. i blame my DE dude for hooking me on her last last summer. damn him and his lucious prematurely entirely gray hair coupled with being a band teacher and a husband and father (i think he said he had kids) with awesome tastes in knowing what i want.... in music. DAMN HIM!

ask me about my recipe for curry. and remember that the farmers market has awesome summer squash this week. it goes well with curry.

and to the Ktowners who read this excuse for a blog... i'll be at GreekFest sometime after 3. I have some brownies that need my attention until then.

you know that you're not the crazy one when...

after recieving a slew of insulting emails with the final one stating "i'm not over you" and begging for a meeting: friends offer you the services of lawyer fathers, others refuse to let you sleep at home for fear of him doing something "not good"... all are a little bit of an overreaction in my belief, but it's a nice feeling to know that people give a shit about me.

phew... and I was worried that i would be viewed as having handled the break-up poorly because i moped for a few weeks and was sorta angry over someone i determined to be not worth my time.

can i just have no drama. please!

welcoming me back

I don't have the internet at my house just now. I will, I swear. My grandfather is insisting on it. I'm not totally sure what to think of this, but he's giving me money for an internet connection. I really don't want to accept it. It's not the "I have standards" thing. I just feel horrible taking people's money. It makes me feel like a failure, that I can't support myself. I always want to. That is why I always felt so odd when Aaron would insist on us going out, but I would say "I can't afford it," and he would say he would pay. That is why I always stressed cooking for him (and his friends) whenever I could, asking what he would want. It was my way of balancing the resource-karma that flowed around us.

But for now I'm trying to get a little back into this slice-of-life / soapbox journal that I call a blog.

I've been a little angsty lately, and I hope that everyone, including me, will forgive me. It's not just about boys, I swear. There's some money problems, I think I'll work that out. I need some time for that. I'll just have to take out loans this year and be very careful with the cash. There's also some medical things, beyond just the general maintaining a static level of health. I'm not quite ready to talk about them just yet, and I might not ever want to. Hopefully when it all plays out there's nothing left to talk about.

I won't deny, however, that a certain male has been burrowing into my worries.

Wednesday, I got back from work a little late, and I was exhausted. Therefor, all I wanted to do was go to bed. I got home locked the door (so I thought) and turned off all the lights except for the one next to my bed (so I thought) and then got ready for bed. I normally leave the light on in the bathroom, as that's where the litter box is, and I don't want to make it any more difficult than I must for the cats to shit on target. I read about 5 pages in my book and realized that it just wasn't happening, so I turned off the light. I noted (so I thought) how dark it was without the bathroom light - which meant without ANY light. My house is so small that any light is noticable in any room. I woke up again in the middle of the night, stumbling to the bathroom without any light. I wish I noticed what time it was, but as I fell asleep by 10, it was probibly sometime between midnight and 2. The next morning I wake up and stumble around, I was late so the sun was already up. I pulled on clothes, did the bathroom thing in the dusk, and walked into my living room where

the light was on.

My living room light is a dimmer switch by my front door. It creeped me out, and I checked my door. The chain was in place, but the locks were undone. Now, I've gone and occasionally, very occasionally, when I'm dead tired, forget to lock both the door knob and the deadbolt, but ALWAYS when I come in the house, the doorknob gets locked automatically on closing the door. It's just part of the motion: open, swap hand to other side, close door, as hand leaves door give the lock switch a twist. But the previous night I was carrying... something... ::thinks:: I had a load of books from my car. So I kicked the door shut so the cats wouldn't get out. So, it was locked by just the chain all night. The chain allows the door to open up a good 5 inches, but (true to the concept) if one attempts to undo the chain, it can only be done when the door is fully closed.

I spend the day telling myself that I'm paranoid, that I was so tired I didn't notice the little bit of light in the evening. But, it wasn't a little bit of light. It was the ceiling light fully turned on.

I try to figure out who would do this, if I was correct in the lights being off when I went to sleep. Perhaps I did it in my sleep? Aaron turned off the air conditioner once in his sleep. But I've never done anything like that that I know of. Plus, I believe that drinking was involved in his instance.

In the two years I've lived in this house, I've never had a problem with people trying to break in. I've had some solicitors who were overly aggressive, and that's it's own BlogTherapy session, but even when my brother left the back door totally unlocked before a weekend in Georgia for a wedding, there was never a problem. I leave stuff on my front porch for weeks on end, and nothing is ever touched.

Up until this break up. A keeps showing up. But, it was Wednesday night, he's supposed to be in Cookeville, as he's working in Xville and living at his dad's. Right? It bugs me all day Thursday, and with my other angsting, I call up A's sis-in-law C, partially for affirmation that he wasn't in town, partially to ask her how she can be such a stable, self assured individual... I was angsting really really bad and needed some advice. I had talked myself to the point where I realized that I just wasn't getting anything. Partially, also, to see if she was going to go see SotS on Satureve. Well, she was busy with a bunch of people (or was this when it went to non-voice mail, I had called her earlier in the week about the SotS thing and one or the other happened so I needed to call her back about it anyways). So I went to bed, trying to convince myself that I was mistaken. I somehow manage to sleep, I don't know how, smaller things have left me sleepless for weeks. And on Friday I go, get my hair done, and call C again, leaving a voice mail at this time, and she calls me back, a little rushed.

Then she started talking about how A was such an arse on Wednesday night when they were cleaning out his Knoxville apartment. I check that yes, it was Wednesday night. That he had left said apartment at early morning hours and headed out to get some sleep. I tell C about my discovery in the morning, and she pointed out the one thing that made me actually think it was possible: he has very "delicate" arms, turning on my light would not be a problem. Also, he's been odd, looking for reasons to show up... toilet paper my arse.

Maybe I'm just being paranoid, but it had me rather creeped out. It's good to know that he really has no reason to be in Knoxville anymore except for visiting his brother, who knows and (as far as I've gathered from N and C (and A and M and J)) is very discouraging of him bothering me... for all of our sakes.

A rundown

It's been a busy while. I'm posting a blog that i wrote in my word processor a while ago, so if you scroll down, you'll see it dated to its creation. I have quite a few fronts to report on, though, so feel free to read on.

Cats

Boy

School

Friends

Thanksgiving

Cats -
Orion and Neci are both getting along very well. They are still vessels of boundless kittanic energy, so they keep me going and on the ball. Orion loves spicy tomato sauces as well as beans and pasta. She doesn't like, however, any meat that I cook. She just got her rabies shot, so my little bitty itty kitten has two big shiny radies tags. The blingbling of the feline world? The vet is actually surprised at how small Orion is, so we're waiting as long as possible to spay her. Probibly some point in January. As she's an inside cat, if we don't get her before she gets fertile, it'll be a bit annoying on our part, but it won't hurt her. I would rather she be large enough that she goes through her surgery safely.

Neci was spayed before I was even allowed to take her home. Granted she was with a recue group, so not actually belonging to anyone, I'm sure that the sentaments if she didn't pull through ok would be different. Neci likes to drink water... out of my glass. It doesn't matter how much is in her water bowl and whether it was just washed or not. She goes for my water glass. I wouldn't mind so much if she was also not so facinated witht he bathroom. She likes to walk the rim of my tub whether or not i'm in it. She also likes to watch the toilet, and once surprised a male in the bathroom by popping up between his legs and watching the happenings.

They have also learned that if my phone alarm goes off, I don't wake up right away. That gives them time to knock it off the table and under the bed, where I won't hear it go off again. This means that I'll stay in bed, where they are also snuggled under the covers (except for the one to knock the phone off, who i saw go right back under the covers when I did wake up once)sucking off my body heat. Neci alone, however, has learned that if she doesn't want music, she just needs to jump on my clock radio. In fact, I'm totally messing with her by playing music from my computer. She came over and started walking on the clock radio, knowing that if she does it enough, she'll turn it off.

School

I hate school. I want to be done. And the catch 22 is that it won't be done until i put in sufficient effort. I want real life again. I don't mind school, but I would love to do the part time thing. Not to put the cart before the horse or jinx me in any sort, the park will be opening my old position back up. If I get it, then I can totally and entirely do my real life job, which frustrated me to no end, but at the same time fulfilled me. I just hope that everyone will be able to put up with the exhaustion and intensity that this job gave me. I do so hope that it all works out. Losing that job, even though it was from funding problems, was a huge ego drain, and I feel so incomplete without it.

Yes, I'm one of those people who define themselves by their job. If I didn't want a job so intent and crazed, would I be killing myself at school for it? All you old schoolers know that the one thing I prided myself on was what I got paid for.

Boy

Wow - well, he's definitly proven interesting and good. Those two adjectives are horribly insufficient, but they'll provide a base. Well, he did halloween with me and with some of my friends. We started at Sr. Taco. While there, we invited his brother, his brother's wife, and another friend of theirs. So there were many people enjoying themselves. After Halloween dinner, we had planned on going out, but for some reason, perhaps because it was Wednesday, we ended up going to my place to drink vodka and play with kittens. The weekend after halloween was SEAC, and well, after past experiances with official stuff and bringing a sigoth, I was a little hesitant, but he wanted to come to the friday night dance. I figured that I had built up just enough of a reputation for myself between my past job and my time put into the department that I could introduce an "outsider" to the conference. Besides, it was local so everyone from Ktown brought their spouse(-to-be). Plus, it was not the first time for my circle to meet him. We had had a pot luck a few weeks earlier, and everyone had only positive things to say about him.

So we go to the dance and have a good time. One of my friends is in the middle of an intoxicated conversation with a rather renowned SE Archie, and as we were driving her home, we had to stay with her. He insisted that the conversation continue at the hotel bar when the dance venue kicked us out (midnight).

The following evening is the department party. I was definatly wanting to bring him to this as it's very informal anyways so it's a good venue to debut new members of the anthropology auxilary. We all dressed up, picked up two other friends along the way, and had a blast that evening. He even met and sweet talked the prof who had been giving me relationship advice before. The interesting thing is that, if I haven't mentioned it before, this guy went to highschool with two of my best friends (one in the department), and he graduated with my girlfriend's sister. At this party, we found that half of the significant others in the department (ok, a bit of an overexaggeration) went to highschool with them. This is a little podunk town abotu 1.5 hours from knoxville. Apparently they train them to put up with UT Anthopologists.

Friends

I love my friends, I really do. I do with all my heart, and I would and do do most anything for them, if I can. They've been having it rough, both the ones down here and apparently a few of the old schoolers. Guys, you'll all get it done. Remember what I always said in college: enough hard work will get you your way.

Thanksgiving.

I'm hosting Thanksgiving! So come here! I'm doing an Orphan Thanksgiving for anyone who doesn't have the time to head home. As far as I know, I'm doing meat, stuffing,sweet taters,a vegetable dish, and probibly I'll make an apple cobbler just because. I currently have 4 definate guests, and two who will be showing up later (one being the boy who had originally planned on being here the whole time, but was slammed with a family obligation just this week, so I'll deal.) I do hope that it goes well. I think we'll be so totally fooded out, that we'll be sooooo happy.


See - I update - occasionally

Brewers jam and boys

Him: "I feel bad, talking to you and keeping you away from your work."
Me:"You know, having someone where I can look forward to talking to them is actually quite motivating, I feel like I need to get something done because there's something definate to look forward to."... especially since he can not only keep up but also contribute to my conversations.

This is a paraphrase of a conversation this past evening between me and a gent I've been spending an inordinate amount of time with both in person and on the phone. Label it whatever you want, but I like him and he's cool.

I'm rather excited, as I was getting to the point where I felt I should start recording my social meetings with the opposite sex and publish them in a book. One with all the proper disclaimers that "they really aren't real people, if it seems so, it's all coincidental."

I met him at Brewer's Jam. There's a long story of many levels, as my stories get at times, but the "short" version is as follows:

My friend had relationship problems starting on Monday. Really REALLY bad problems, so we decided to go out Friday Night. She gets nice and trashed on PBR while we see Cutthroat Shamrock and Zombie Bazooka Patrol. While there, we see someone who is mutual friends with her and someone who used to be in the department. We start hanging with their group a bit and find out that those that don't need to work are going to brewer's jam. yay!

So we go to Brewer's Jam and see those guys. Don't really hang out with them as we have our own group from the department there: S who studies holes in kid's heads, C the 1st year PhD, friend with problems and her mother, Mssr. E (from past adventures) and see a few others from the department also. We're all having fun and Mssr. E and I are plesently having random conversations and "cheer"ing sessions with anyone who happens to walk by. My favorite move is to say to some dude passing by "OH MY GOD! YOU MADE IT!!! THAT'S SOOOO AWESOME, MAN!!" and try to get them in a conversation till they realize that they really don't know me (many actually asked if they knew me) and that I'm just crazy/drunk.

Well, in line this dude is wearing a Tshirt saying something like "Mustache Warrior" or "Mustache Fighting Leaugue" or something related to mustaches and violence. So, like one would do, I say to him "does this mean that you battle mustaches, or that you fight while wearing a mustache." He brings up some arcane celebration known as Mustache May. A friend and I start psuedoquoting from the Camelot song about May "Well, May is lusty, gusty, and busty. Mustache though, it is not!"

The gent starts hanging out with us. Not uncommon, actually, so I'm just taking it in stride. Always good to meet more interesting people, correct? He and I start talking, and in retrospect, he really doesn't talk to many others in the group, mostly just me. But I probibly didn't notice it because the conversation was not forced. It was a pleasent conversation of brewers jam drunk observations, pleasentries about types of beer, random puns, and other such things that are natural in a conversation mit ze Gexx.

After a bit he admits he needs to find the loo, as one would need to at a beer fest. So he asks for my number so he can find us later. We swap numbers. Why not? My drinkaged mind is not phased by such. If anything, I'll end up putting him in my "do not pick up" phone catagory (specifically for bad/not thinking/"it was a good idea at the time" decision phone number swaps so I don't accidentally pick up when someone attempts to arrange a booty call). It's all good. I have planned all my escape routes.

Well, he calls back a bit later to find us. Not right away, but after he hung out with *his* friends for a bit. That's good, methinks, as it means he's not creepily obsessed like some odd birds I've dealt with (I told you this earlier, I should right a book about all that crap and those crazy dudes). But we do end up meeting again toward the end. When he goes to leave the jam itself, he asks if I would be interested in meeting up later (after we've had a chance to sober up some), and I figure why not and tell him to call me.

He then surprises me (those who hate adorableness scroll down. I mean you, Betel!! No, not really.) by asking if I would allow him to kiss me on the cheek before he heads out. I'm so flabbergasted (consider my mental state at the time) and so cynical from past dude-speriances (book! book!) and think that it's so sweet and at the least it'll make a good blog story that I agree. And he does. Awwww!

And it has made a good story - but the whole story isn't done yet.

So beer is running low and Brewer's Jam is wrapping up. My peeps are coagulating and heading out. My girl with problems and her mom go together, and the rest apparently left for pizza. I was invited, and they all thought that I had been invited, but no one actually completed the inviting circle by telling me what was going on. They left thinking someone else told me and that I was with one of the other groups. No worries, but suddenly they weren't their. Apparently my missing wasn't noticed until the couple/three cars (driven by the sobers) got to the pizza place. By that point, it was too late. I see the dudes from the evening before, and they're like "where's your crew?" I respond that my posse has abandonded me, but that I'll just hang at my office till I can drive home. They then invite me to go with them to get pizza (not where the others were, though).

So we go to get pizza, walking through parts of downtown that are perfectly fine to walkthough as a group during the day. We get the pizza and eat it, and I figure we'll head back soon, no worries, right? Well, they start to drink again. I ask what their plan is. Come to find out they're friends with one of the waitresses, and that she'll drive them back to their car when she gets out of work - at 1AM. Gah! It's 9 right now and I'm ready to pass out (tired, not drunk. i spent the whole day outside!!). I scramble through my phone looking for someone who could be sober and was not out of town. 67 people in my phone, and who do I decide is the best idea? The gent from earlier.

I know many of you will say that I took a bad risk. But getting a taxi would have been too visible, and I didn't want to walk back alone. I like to say I'm a decent judge of character and don't often trust people. And I haven't been too wrong in the past. 99% of people I've trusted have atleast been a decent human being with no intent of violence toward me (ax murdering, shooting, etc). Pricks are still decent human beings, in my book, because the important part of their moral compass is still intact. Besides, might as well find out sooner rather than later, right?

I text him "Wouldn't mind seeing you again, but I'm stuck in Old City, and my car is on campus." I get a message back saying "I'll be there in 15 minutes." After about 15 minutes, he texts saying he's outside, so I pay my part hastily and run off, thanking the dudes for allowing me to accompany them and sharing their pizza (it was damned good pizza). I bound out and almost knock right into the gent, and he drives me back to my car, like any decent human being would do.

I realize that I just totally used someone's feelings of good will toward me, and I feel horrendously guilty. Especially since he seemed really really cool while we talked on the ride to my car, so I suggest we get a drink together. We do, and I find out that we're rather compatable, and we've been meeting up and talking on the phone rather much ever since (yay).

So yeah, that's one of my latest stories. He'll get a name... eventually. You know it takes a while for that to happen. But I think he'll be showing up quite a bit.